Parents and teens are talking about sex, but they aren’t always communicating.
A new survey — from Planned Parenthood, Family Circle magazine, and the Center for Latino Adolescent and Family Health at NYU — questioned more than 2,000 parents and teens. Unlike most surveys on the topic, it asked detailed questions of parents and their teens, which gives a window into the experience from both perspectives — and a roadmap for how parents can have an ongoing dialogue about these issues with their adolescent children.
We found that almost all families are having this conversation. Fully 90 percent of parents in the survey said they talk to their teenagers about sex and sexuality, and 84 percent of teenagers said they talk with their parents about it.
Everyone assumes these conversations don’t happen even more regularly because parents are uncomfortable — when, in fact, this new survey shows that teens are much more uncomfortable than their parents. While half of parents in the poll said they feel very comfortable talking with their teens about sex and sexuality, only 18 percent of teens said they feel very comfortable talking with their parents.
Knowing that teens are less comfortable can help parents approach these conversations differently. Parents need to be clear about what they’re saying to their teens, and they need to have these conversations multiple times in order to get through and to build their teens’ comfort level talking about sex and sexuality.
But this new survey isn’t just about how parents talk to their teenagers — it sheds light on what we need to be saying to our teens.
Our survey found that parents tend to know if their teens are having sex. In fact, 80 percent of parents of sexually active teens knew about it.
Parents are talking about health but aren’t talking as much with their teenagers about the nuts and bolts of how to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases and how to say no to sex. Parents are also less likely to talk about sexual orientation than other topics.
As a leading provider of sexuality education, Planned Parenthood spends a lot of time talking with parents about the critical role they play in helping their teenagers make informed decisions. We consistently remind parents that they are very influential in their teens’ decision making about relationships and sex, and that starting an ongoing dialogue with their kids about sexual health makes a real difference in teens’ behaviors and decisions. Research shows that teens who report having good conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sex, have fewer partners, and use condoms and other birth control methods when they do have sex.
Planned Parenthood of the Pacific Southwest has long worked to help parents in their role as their children’s and teens’ primary sexuality educator. We offer age appropriate sexuality education programs that reach nearly 50,000 children, teens and adults annually.
October is Let’s Talk Month, an annual effort to encourage parents to talk with their children and adolescents about sexuality-related topics.
Talking with teens, answering their questions about sex, and helping them make smart decisions about their relationships and behavior is vital to their development. Let’s Talk Month is a great time to begin, or continue, the conversation.
