Well, it’s draft weekend. So instead of the usual 467 different mock draft models with the same 35 players in different positions on the board, I have decided to do my own version of a more interesting mock draft. Some names you will recognize and others you probably won’t – but to change things up, here is a different kind of mock draft. For some, the Draft is a life changing day that they make into a positive catalyst, but for others it is the beginning of a downhill spiral. We all know the fairy tale endings here are some examples of people that seemingly had it all on the surface. Let this draft serve as notice to all that will be drafted this weekend in the NFL that dreams sometimes turn into nightmares.

1. Kansas City Chiefs: Bill Maas. The former Chiefs All-Pro and Fox broadcaster was arrested in 2007. A search uncovered a .22-caliber revolver, five grams of suspected marijuana, six grams of suspected cocaine and 28 Ecstasy pills. Bill was a good friend and business partner of another Pitt lineman, Bob “Buck” Buczkowski, a Raiders first-round pick who strangely enough was arrested the same year for running a prostitution ring and cocaine distribution ring. Two of Pitt’s finest, and to think these two co-owned a restaurant in Pittsburgh that I used to actually go to in college.

2. Jacksonville Jaguars: This team has a need for a hard-core criminal. All the Jags seem to produce is drunks. From drunk driving to drunk and disorderly, every charge starts with drunk.

3. Oakland Raiders: Todd “Marijuanavich.” A lot of Raiders could have been this pick, but the visual of this 45-year-old former USC Trojan and first-round pick on a skateboard all tweeked up on poor-man’s booger sugar cruising the boardwalks of Orange County still puts a smile on many a Chargers fans’ faces.

4. Philadelphia Eagles: Kevin Allen. A No. 1 pick, Allen tested positive for cocaine after reporting to Eagles training camp in 1986. Soon after, he was charged with sexual assault for raping a girl under the boardwalk at the Jersey shore. I guess that makes Allen the original “The Situation.” Allen spent the next three years in prison. He was banned from the NFL for life.

5. Detroit Lions: Matt Millen. As GM, Matt stole the Lions franchise from Detroit. He put them in a hole for the next decade, so I’m listing him as guilty of grand theft of an NFL franchise.

6. Cleveland Browns: Jim Brown. The Browns need a crack-head and it’s a strong draft for crack-heads, but we’re going with Brown, an all-time great player who was arrested more times than a Times Square hooker. Most of his offenses were against women and generally involved violence. Funny, all his lame movies show him kicking dudes’ asses yet in real life all you hear about is him kicking women’s asses.

7. Arizona Cardinals: Luis Sharpe. Sharpe has been arrested several times on numerous drug, assault and domestic violence charges, has been to prison and was shot twice. He played 13 seasons in the NFL for the Cardinals (1982-1994). A three-time Pro Bowl selection, Sharpe was selected by the Cardinals in the first round (16th overall) of the 1982 draft.

8. Buffalo Bills: O.J. Simpson. Well, what can we say here that hasn’t already been said? There were no drug kingpins left on the board, so the Bills decide to fill this need with a murderer.

9. New York Jets: Mark Gastineau. This 1980s mullet, Highway Patrol mustache, tanning-booth cheese-ball was involved in a few off-the-field activities, including assault, drug possession and woman beating (burned a girlfriend with a cigarette lighter). Repeated parole violations led to 11 months at Rikers Island prison. He admitted to using steroids while he played for the Jets, as if that was even up for debate. A walking stereotype who I think is from the same gene pool as Jose Canseco.

10. Tennessee Titans: Adam “Pacman” Jones. This guy has so many issues – a year long suspension, hookers, guns, you name it. The funny part was when fellow hypocrites Michael Irvin and Jim Brown offered to mentor this loser. The drugs and fighting continued. He attempted to do the only other two things besides sports you can do with a University of West Virginia education: professional wrestler and rapper.

11. San Diego Chargers: No, it is not Ryan Leaf – I am going to reach for this pick and not go with the obvious Terrence Kiel. In 2003, Kiel was shot three times after an attempted carjacking in Houston. His next arrest was in 2006 on multiple drug charges, including possession, possession with intent to sell and transportation of a controlled substance. Police came to the Chargers’ facility and arrested him. He later pleaded guilty to felony and misdemeanor drug charges for shipping codeine cough syrup to Texas, where it’s known as “purple drank,” aka Ghetto Kool-Aid. He was ordered to do 100 hours of community service and undergo counseling for urinating in public. On July 4, 2008, Kiel died in a car crash

12. Miami Dolphins: Mercury Morris. In 1982, Morris was convicted of cocaine trafficking. He was sentenced to 20 years, with a mandatory 15-year term. He was granted a new trial after he convinced someone it was entrapment. He reached a plea-bargain agreement and was set free in 1986 after serving 3½ years.

13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Bo Jackson (1986 first-round draft pick). Bo was by no means a criminal, but it was criminal how he opted to play baseball for the Kansas City Royals and later for the Raiders, leaving the Bucs with nothing but a wasted No. 1 pick. Kind of like the following year when they took Vinny Testaverde No. 1 overall pick.

14. Carolina Panthers: Rae Carruth. Carolina’s finest; Carruth was a first-round pick of the Panthers in 1997. In 1999, he arranged for the murder of his then girlfriend and unborn child. He became a fugitive and was later found hiding in a car trunk in Tennessee with a bottle of his own urine and some candy bars. What was the urine for? He is set to be released from prison in 2018.

15. New Orleans Saints: It should be a crime having been engaged to Kim Kardashian while there’s a sex tape all over the Internet of Ray J giving her the business. For that reason, I’m drafting Reggie Bush.

16. St. Louis Rams: Darryl Henley. Drafted in the second round out of UCLA in 1989. Problem was, he watched “Scarface” too many times and is now serving a 41-year sentence for running a cocaine trafficking ring and then hiring hit men to kill the judge presiding over his trial. Now Darryl is stuck in a cell. Say hello to my little friend.

17. Pittsburgh Steelers: Ernie Holmes. One of my all-time favorite players and a member of the famed Steel Curtain. In 1973, Ernie started shooting at passing motorists with his shotgun because he thought they were out to get him. He then led state police on a high-speed chase until jumping out with his shot gun and running into the woods. He began shooting at a police helicopter and hit an officer in the leg. He finally ran out of ammo and energy and was captured. These were the 1970s and the Steelers, so he was out of jail in 48 hours and playing the next season. I mean, what’s the big deal?
18. Dallas Cowboys: How can I only have one pick for this model Rotary Club? I’ll let the comment section debate the winner of this spot from the long list of criminals available.

19. New York Giants: Lawrence Taylor. We all know the story with this guy. Aside from being the greatest defensive player in the history of the game, he was still a drug addict who had countless run-ins with the law, from drugs to rape of a minor. He’s guaranteed a lifetime membership in all future NFL all-time criminal rosters.

20. Chicago Bears– The only team where I couldn’t find a suitable representative.

21. Cincinnati Bengals: Lewis Billups. This guy could be a No. 1 pick on anyone’s criminal mock draft. He blew the Super Bowl with a dropped pick and blown coverage, but his greatest crime was drugging and raping a woman while he video-taped it in 1992. Then he tried to extort $20,000 from her in exchange for not sending the tape to her husband. After various brushes with the law, he spent a year in prison, and then killed himself and his friend driving in excess of 100 mph.

23. Minnesota Vikings: Dimitrius Underwood. One of the most complete losers in this year’s criminal mock draft. Signed a $5-million deal after the Vikings made him their first pick in 1999. He quit the following day, citing a conflict between his Christian faith and the NFL. He later tried to commit suicide by slicing his throat and failed. Then he tried to kill himself by running into traffic twice. Underwood served time in the Dallas County Jail for aggravated robbery, assault on public servant and evading arrest starting in 2002.

24. Indianapolis Colts: Art Schlichter. Gambling, fraud, grand theft, bad checks, forgery — you name it, this franchise criminal pick has done it all and is another lock for all future crime teams to come. He even had a public defender smuggle a cell phone into him in prison so he could continue to place bets. A lock for the criminal football hall of fame.

26. Green Bay Packers: I know everyone wants this pick to go to Mark Chmura because he went to a prom party as a grown man and had sex with a high school student. I’ve got a better pick, though: Randall Woodfield, the serial killer known as the “I-5 Killer” who was drafted by the Packers in 1974 out of Portland State. The Pack had to let him go that year after he was arrested over a dozen times for flashing or indecent exposure. After his release, it was estimated that he killed at least 10 women and raped 60 others. He was sentenced to life plus 165 years.

27. Houston Texans: Not much to work with for the Texans’ pick except the cruel joke of them needing a franchise QB for their expansion draft and the only players on the board that year were David Carr and Joey Harrington. A lose-lose situation. They could’ve traded up and gotten Todd “Marijuanavich” with the eighth pick.

28. Denver Broncos: Travis Heny. Travis was interesting because he was a poser version of Darryl Henley. He had just signed a deal with the Broncos that was worth close to $5 million a year, but he wanted to play gangster and do five-to-ten-thousand-dollar drug deals. This poser didn’t go to Colombia or even L.A. to deal. He went to the mean streets of Montana to work on his street cred.

29. New England Patriots: Dave Meggett. I know the Pats didn’t draft him, but he couldn’t beat out L.T. for the Giants pick and he was just too good to pass up. Meggett raped or sexually assaulted anything that moved, from underage girls to hookers. His child-support payments are $200k in arrears, and he has a burglary charge mixed in. If this loser hit the glass pipe, he would be the complete package.

30. Atlanta Falcons: Michael Vick. We all know this guy’s story: killing dogs, illegal betting rings and a dogfighting operation. A prison sentence followed, then he was awarded the Ed Block Courage Award by his teammates with the Philadelphia Eagles. Somehow, the Eagles thought Donovan McNabb was a distraction and needed to go, but they rewarded this guy with a large roster bonus to stay.

31. San Francisco 49ers: Dana Stubblefield. I don’t mind the steroids part, but when this loser flipped and gave up everyone — players, agents and whoever else he could think of — to the feds so he wouldn’t get in any trouble for his BALCO involvement after lying initially about it, that makes him football’s version of Sammy “The Bull” Gravano. The credit was always given to Stubblefield while Bryant Young was being double-teamed next to him all game long. He never did anything after leaving Young, and not even the steroids helped.

32. Baltimore Ravens: Jamal Lewis. Began a four-month prison sentence in 2004 after getting nabbed on his cell phone trying to put together a five-kilo coke deal. Crockett and Tubbs were on to this idiot Miami Vice-style, and he didn’t even know it.

33. Washington Redskins: Dexter Manley arrested multiple times for crack-thrown out of the league- illiterate, broke, the whole nine yards –sounds like Washington DC mayor of the same time Marion Berry.